its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
