He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
