I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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