yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
