We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
is it fun? or sober?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
