Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We need a shit load of segways right now
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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