the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
