you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think I sprained my soul last night
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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