So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
