Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
