I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
