I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
