The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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