How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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