So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
