just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
