I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
