hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
