For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
