R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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