What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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