I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
