Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
