I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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