and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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