I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
