i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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