i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
