I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
