member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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