Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i dont even know how to be here
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
