I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
