But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize