I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
