I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's just like the Real World with babies
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
