You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
