Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
