he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
