I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If I die, sorry about rent.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
