So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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