I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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