i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He passed out mid-signature
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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