im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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