It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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