Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
