I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
