Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
