So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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