i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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