I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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