Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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