If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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