I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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